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The Parent Trap
by
Michael A. Battey
Boyhood
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It is good to know that the world hasn't changed.
And that boys as we know them are still…well…boys!
Ah, yes…to be a boy. That joyous and wondrous stage in a young man's life…that fleeting phase endowed with all of the sweet innocence and naiveté one can bear.
We have such a boy. His name is Michael… and he is thirteen years old. At this age his boyhood is close to being over. The next time we blink it will be gone…left only to photographs and memories. To be replaced by adolescence. A time when a child knows it all, and can't admit otherwise. A time when it is awkward to be near your parents. A time mercurial and unpredictable. A time when family bonding is shrugged off but lurks like a shadow. Some children and families escape adolescence unscathed…and others bear scars for years to come.
What is this elusive essence, this beautiful openness which slowly evaporates during the teenage years? What is the chemistry of boyhood?
Is it as pure; is it as comically simple as snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails?
What is a boy's life?
To observe Michael who is a fair marker for this group, boyhood is a life of discovery and exploration.
It is trying and playing all sports. It is coveting some foods and trading others. It is sharing gross jokes. And it is attempting to avoid chores.
It is having multiple pets and having favorite teams. It is wistfully living the lives of the rich and famous. And it is having as many friends as possible.
It is balled up socks and shirts on the floor. And it is balled up sport jackets and ties next to them.
It is treating their sisters warily and taking cues from their dads. It is sleepovers, and cool cars, collectibles, and bicycles. And of course…it is being aware of girls.
And then one morning we all wake up and…it is adolescence! All of a sudden the boy, that is the little boy…is gone.
The balled up clothes unfortunately are still there. The costly sports equipment is still there. And, oh yes-girls are still there, somewhat redoubtable but there. However, boyhood is gone.
Suddenly, overnight, teenagers appear. They appear with a 24/7 communication mindset where a successful life is one where your friends are not just moments away but nanoseconds.
What happened to the insatiable need to explore…to discover? It has been replaced. Replaced by the addictive need for peer contact, recognition and approval. The world and the great beyond is as close or as far as the tenuous approval and feedback of one's friends.
A running punchline in our home over the last several years has been my constant commentary to our oldest daughter (teenager!) about the breathless use of the phone or computer immediately upon arriving home from school. To wit: "You just got home and the first thing you do is talk to the same girls you just spent all day talking with at school and even perhaps on the bus…and I'm sure you're talking about the same things! What could have changed?!
What is this 24/7 thing. Well-it is our kids using what should have been proprietary adult technology to seamlessly keep their friends perpetually and invisibly tethered.
It is instant messaging. It is cell phones in middle school(*#**!#***). And it is wireless headsets and adapters. It is emoticons and X-Box on line. It is text messaging.
Can we as parents recognize anymore who our kids are communicating with? Well, don't blink! The difference in mien between the end of sixth grade and the start of eighth grade rivals the wow factor in comparing married couples on their wedding day to their fiftieth anniversary photos.
Hard to believe that the child taller than your husband (guilty as charged) with a deeper voice, and almost as much facial hair was the same youngster who only last year ran through your house and forgot to flush the toilet.
Yes. Well I love my kids at any age and stage. But it was real fun being dad during the playful times of my son's boyhood. I guess because it allowed me a rerun at those happy days.
My adolescence-well it was somewhat painful and slow. Not only due to having a rotary phone, or a delayed growth spurt (I'm still waiting).
Boyhood. Yes, J.M. Barrie had it right with Peter Pan and his lost boys in Neverland. A land which could have been made up of snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails.
Boyhood. Is it possible to lengthen the half life and prolong it?
Boyhood. A privileged time and specially noted.
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