|
|
|
|
|
LAURA ON LIFE
|
My older kids used to complain about the fact that some of their friends, whose parents have more money than sense, were always given the best of everything: Nike shoes since toddlerhood, karate lessons, gymnastics, every sport they could fit into their overwhelmed schedules, clothes with expensive labels, trips to the moon…whatever. My kids got lemons.
My kids were always dressed well and had everything they needed (lemons)…but not everything they wanted (um…fruit juice punch). The "wants" they had to earn, just like their parents do. If they wanted Nikes instead of the $8.00 K-mart specials I would buy, they had to do something other than their regular chores to earn the money. We never said they couldn't have what they wanted, we just told them, "Sure you can have them. How much money do you have to earn to get them." Lemons.
After we calculated just how much work was required to obtain that shirt with the expensive label, they would make the same decision we had: It wasn't worth it; especially since both my older boys, until they were 14 years old, ripped the labels off their clothes, anyway, because they were uncomfortable.
My husband and I don't believe in allowances, either. We are rotten parents, aren't we? We break all the standard "rules" and yet somehow, miraculously, my boys are hard-working, trustworthy, contributing citizens, who know the value of money and love their parents in spite of (and maybe because of), our stringency. We taught them that there is work that people, all people, have to do just because it needs to be done; not because we are going to be paid for it. Nobody pays me to clean my house, but it still needs to be done, so I do it. Nobody pays my husband to mow the lawn, but it still needs to be done, so I do that too.
Why should my children grow up believing that they should be paid for every chore they do? When I ask one of them to take out the garbage, they don't stand there and ask how much it's worth to me. They do it because they like sleeping on a bed, in a house.
One of my son's friends had everything: An allowance that my kids were envious of, very little chores to earn it, a new car when he turned sixteen, the best clothes from the best stores, and an attitude to match. He got in with the wrong crowd and was able to buy himself all the illegal drugs and alcohol he wanted. He dropped out of school and nobody has seen him since. My son said he was a good person before he had money.
Just because a child is given an allowance doesn't mean he's going to end up like that, but this much is true: He had the means to make those kinds of choices. His were bad choices. You've got a fifty-fifty shot that your child will make the wrong decision in any given circumstance. I wasn't ready to let my preteens (who still needed to be reminded to wear socks) make those kinds of choices. They had enough to deal with in middle school. All it takes is one bad day and a fistful of money that they never had to earn. So…I gave my kids lemons instead.
My children have had to earn just about everything that wasn't given to them for their birthday or Christmas. They didn't do this without complaints, mind you, that would be just too much to ask. But if they received money even for holidays from friends and family, they were instructed to put half in their savings account. That savings account is what they bought their first car with. They knew from an early age what the savings account was for. They knew that whatever amount was in there when it was time for them to drive, equaled the kind of car that they would be able to afford: A shiny convertible with racing stripes, or a lemon. So with that in mind, many times they would invest all of their earned money or holiday money without me telling them to. They both ended up with lemons to drive anyway, but that taught them just how much work it took to earn a good car, so they took really good care of their lemons.
My kids were not dirt-poor. They were given the things they needed. They were given lemons. When a child learns how to make lemonade out of lemons, then you can congratulate yourself. If I had given them a glass of fruit juice punch, like most kids, they would have found a way to spill it all over the floor.
Laura Snyder may be reached at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or check her website www.lauraonlife.com for archived columns
|
|
|
Click On Banner For More Information
|
