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LAURA ON LIFE
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Well, it's time to go shopping again. I usually put it off as long as I can for two reasons: 1. I hate shopping. 2. I just want to know if my family will actually finish a box of cereal before opening a new one. If there are no new ones, they'll have to eat from an already opened one and, thus, eventually finish it, right?
My cupboard is stuffed with cereal boxes that have just enough cereal in them for one bowl. When I ask the members of my family why they won't finish those boxes before starting another, I get some very interesting answers.
My daughter, who is eight years old, tells me that "The last bowlful in the box has all the scraps at the bottom and those don't taste very good."
I'd have to agree with her to a point. It's not the taste, though, it's the texture. Once you add milk to those "scraps" you have a something that looks suspiciously like what I imagine porridge would look like. As we all know from the timeless tale of Goldilocks, porridge has to be "just right" before you can eat it. I'm not sure we have the means or the know-how to get porridge "just right", so I can understand why my daughter wouldn't want to eat it.
My son, a nine-year-old know-it-all, has apparently decided that denial is a good defense. When I ask him why he won't finish a box of cereal before opening a new one, he tells me, "They are finished. When are you going shopping?"
How do you argue with that when the actual evidence of un-finished-ness is sitting right under his nose and he doesn't see anything? I guess to some people, the last bowlful of cereal in a box becomes invisible to the naked eye. I will have to write to Myth Busters and ask them to explore this phenomenon.
My youngest boy, a kindergartener, has an unusual slant on the situation. He knows that his excuse is guaranteed to work. He tells me, "It's not good for me." Now, I know the child ate the same cereal yesterday, but he insists that it's not good for him today. He has heard this same excuse from me many times when he's asked for gummy bears for dinner. If I say it's not good for him, he knows he's not going to get it.
I'm on to his wily ways, though. I've seen what he must consider "good for him". I've seen him dive behind a coke machine to retrieve a dust encrusted M&M that's probably been there since the Cold War. I've seen him bury a lollipop in the backyard so he can "save it for later". I've had to use lightning-fast reflexes to snag a piece of chewing gum making a beeline to his mouth that he found attached to the underside of a public telephone. So, I know his excuse is just a ploy.
My husband's excuse is just a ploy, too, I suspect. If there is no unopened cereal, that is the day he has decided to lose some weight.
He knows I won't argue with him on that, but I suspect that as soon as he leaves the house, he heads for the nearest McMuffin and downs two or three of them. Then, after I buy more cereal, he'll quote some TV commercial that swears that drinking milk helps you lose weight.
"Milk may help lost weight, but not cereal", I point out.
"You know that I hate drinking plain milk", he says. I've got to admit; he's good…He's real good.
I remember my mother dealing with the same situation. She would pour all of the unfinished boxes into one box. If someone would pick up that box, it would feel full. When it was poured in to a bowl, however, he would find that he'd been bamboozled. There in the bowl would be a mixture of fruity rings, Wheaties, marshmallow puffs, chocolate-flavored crunchy balls and raisin bran.
After the bowl had been filled, every excuse he could have come up with was nullified and he knew he had to eat it.
Of course, we never told the next person that came to the table about the bamboozlement, because if everyone had some, then no one would have to eat it again the next day. It became a practical joke that had a kind of trickle-down effect.
Surprisingly enough, I think my mother may have had something there.
Laura Snyder may be reached at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or check her website www.lauraonlife.com for archived columns
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